KuroBaka22's avatar

KuroBaka22

Not that active
218 Watchers72 Deviations
19.6K
Pageviews

Livestream ON

1 min read
www.picarto.tv/live/channel.ph…

Feeling under weather so I will hope it will get better by drawing haha...
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
To start with a little more positive tone, happy new early lunar year which is in few hours :)). Year of Sheep it is right? Hopefully everything goes well for everyone :)). I am hoping to get a place in individual japanese language :)). 


Anyways, a little update on what is going on now. Still struggling with blues and spleen, I have no idea what did February do to me cz I can't find any traces of my confidence, emotions and feelings nor me being genuinely happy in general. I pretty much like my job cz it is bit by bit changing, but aside work I can barely find any joy in anything anymore, the only time I finally felt something is when I listen to music (probably cz it is emotional instrumental music).
Although my weekend was interesting because of badminton training but it also totally reminded me of just how uninterested I am in people.  
And even my wannabe social skills have also suffered a lot lately, I just can't keep communication with any friends anymore even if we used to get along pretty well before their exams and my beginning of blues. I can't remember any good things prior this now, I definitely know I was not this terrible. I can't help but to keep blaming myself now and I can't help thinking they are tired and pissed because of me. Considering I am soon going to move with my younger cousin, I can't help but to worried that it will turn bad when my 'true' nature gets revealed and also I feel bad for not looking forward to live with her. She is a good girl, but I don't think she would be able to handle me. No one can ever handle me.
I am not even sure why and how it happened that currently I can barely feel anything, barely thinking about anything, barely caring about anything. It is like I totally put myself behind the walls again. 
Some people might say that it is a temporary period, but for me it just lasts way too long. Too long to the point I am totally losing track of everything. What is the recipe to end this terrible state of mine?
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Hi, it's been a while right? Just wanna to update how it is going for me right now. Not sure if anyone is interested anyway lol.

My last journal entry was in July which is from the time when I was struggling to finish my MA degree, since then a lot happened and all the changes still remain overwhelming even for me. So firstly I have said sayonara to the life of a student by getting my final degree and I got incredibly lucky that it took me one month to land my first job although not where I previously wished for aka I returned back to my home country. I am so-so happy with my job at the moment. 

Although I still have plenty free time, somehow drawing is not that fulfilling anymore....I still love drawing however it doesn't make me that happy as it used to. There are so many responsibilities and commitment soon coming to my life, although I am still taking it easy, it is starting to be worrisome. At the moment I am still rather unclear what I really want cuz lately I've been feeling really empty and numb. I suppose I am still having hard time to get accustomed to "life", I still miss student days and sometimes I feel so under weather to the point of thinking how much time I have wasted. I keep seeing myself as alone in the midst of darkness and it feels really bad hopefully I will soon feel "alive" again. The truth is I've probably never felt totally "alive" yet so I hope it will get better sooner or later. 

TLDR; I am stuck in midst of chaos of becoming adult and I feel alienated by the routine and I am probably looking for something that I am totally not sure what.

And oh yeah, super late welcome to 2015! 
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Hello!! I participated in the TTB chorus battle on YT :D. Please do support!! Likes and shares much appreciated!!

1. CODE:UKNOWN. The story of magic and you (Character sprites)
[TTB R1] Story of magic and you by KuroBaka22
YT link:
 


2. BrickFast ParTea. Sayonara (sketches)

 
New Canvas by KuroBaka22

YT link:
 



3. Risque Esquires. Solitude. (sketch and lineart)

New Canvas by KuroBaka22

YT link:
 
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
I can't believe that I am actually finishing my graduate school now...
Time flies so fast and I still have yet to transition myself from being
a naive and ignorant kid to an adult. I am still very scared about
what comes next. Now the only things left is the final major project
and jobhunting....I still have no idea where to go next for the job.

I will probably start doing art commissions as side job at some point
haha;; and I am kind of interested in starting to write light novels
(but as my brother says I need to learn how to read first lol).

Anyways, I have created a FB page a while ago just for fun and ask.fm
account as well. So if you are interested you could drop me some comments
and questions on those :D.

Facebook
www.facebook.com/kuroaka22
Ask.fm:
ask.fm/KuroAka22
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Featured

Livestream ON by KuroBaka22, journal

Happy new lunar year 2015 and rant ahead sorry. by KuroBaka22, journal

Hi I am still (sort of) alive. by KuroBaka22, journal

Teacup Trio Battle PV compilation by KuroBaka22, journal

Time flies so fast+FB+ASK.FM by KuroBaka22, journal